the cycle that we can’t escape from

Getting older.. birthday… 2 days to go!

Well, I don’t think I’m becoming emo as I’m turning 32 in another 2 days. Growing older is a norm and I do look forward to the celebrations that I will have. But as usual, as I’m approaching my bday again, I can’t help but to think about life.

This year we have accomplished one big milestone with the house bought. Merv is planning for Australia road trip early next year so I guess any baby plan will have to hold on after that. I will be 33 by then, which is fine I guess. I still want to experience autumn in Korea and feast on the street food. In fact, there are still so many things I want to experience but I guess when it’s time, it’s time. Anyway, who said you can’t travel even after you give birth.
No point thinking too much, don’t even know whether God will give us any kid.

Another thought I had is about death. As we grow older, we start thinking about how it will be like when our grandparents, parents, siblings, friends and spouse die. It’s scary. God asked us not to fear of death, but I think for most people, we fear of being left behind, when our loved ones pass on first. Life is so full of uncertainty, this is why we really need to hold on to God. I definitely need God.

Oh well. Happy 32 to me. Surely this will be a fantastic year! Can’t wait for the house renovation to begin!!

house, house and house

I’ll just dedicate this post solely for my house.. yes, my house.. our house ^^

16th Jan has passed and we got the keys to our new flat. We’ve confirmed the work with our ID and so far we’re really liking them. They kinda helped us save money by giving us advice what’s necessary or not so that we don’t need to spend too much for ‘designer’ stuff.

Due to CNY, we’re letting the house bare for one month (sigh), renovation gonna start late. Showed the house to mum and dad, their first reaction is the inconvenience of going there -_- but then again, they loved the house, with huge living room and all. I guess that’s the reaction of most ppl who have seen the house, it’s huge (for a 4rm flat it is).

Merv and I have been hunting for furniture lately, with budget sheet keeps changing. But so far, we have only purchased the bed set from Robinson (prev post) and sofa.

Sofa was one big dilemma between economical but comfy ikea sofa or big comfortable cellini sofa which $400 more expensive btw.
Since I kept thinking about the big comfy cellini sofa, Merv gave in to paying more for it =P We just bought it yesterday.
Friends told us that it’s a good buy, so I shouldn’t keep thinking about the extra $400 paid. It’s for long term investment anyway. At least that’s what I want to tell myself, it’s a good buy! haha.

We have also listed out the other furniture that we want to get, but probably will do the buying only in Feb, nearer to the moving date.
We just went to choose all the bathroom and lightings (including ceiling fan) stuff last Sat. Those things really cost money.

I have to say that house and furniture shopping is fun, though of course it hurts our wallet badly. Learned quite a bit about different different stuff too.
All in all, I’m so glad that Merv and I are on this house planning stage now, it’s fun.. and historical I guess. Our own home.

you’re taken care of

It’s Dec! and it’s ending soon. That’s how scary life is, it passes you too quickly.

The past week has been pretty much fantastic. We found what’s lost and broken things repaired (literally).

Left behind an important thing at the coffee shop last week and Merv didn’t realize it until 2 days after. After much panicking from his side (while I just wanted to sleep), I decided that we should pray together. The next day, I went down to the coffee shop early in the morning and voila they actually kept it for us! Lost and found.

At the very same day, my pc decided to go crazy on me and refused to work. We thought that we needed to spend extra cash to build a new one, but the next day the pc was working all ok again! mwaha

Lastly, my samsung tab also decided to go crazy on me, with the google play invalid and all. At first we thought that we needed to factory reset the thing, which means I would lose all my data for ‘Town Maker’, this building town game that I’ve been obsessed with lately. The thought of losing all the things that I’ve accumulated in the game really sucks. But then I was just browsing around and found a way to fix the problem! Merv finished the job and yes google play is back and my game is back too. Phew!

This just goes to show again how God is the ultimate provider and He just knows what we need. Christmas is just around the corner and I’m just glad once again for this whole year of 2013.
It’s been hell, yes, it even brought me back to writing cos I really needed to vent. It started off really badly but I have confidence that it will end greatly. It has been great lately and I just couldn’t ask for more.

We have decided on our ID for the new house and we’ll get things started as soon as we get the key on 16th Jan.
We have also settled on a lovely comfy mattress (bed) and I have to say, Robinsons kinda helped us save money on it haha.
Another thing we have accomplished together is Shirls & Raphael prewedding shoot!

Looking forward for what’s to come with the new house and the new group. Cheers!

the ultimate purchase in life

It’s been a while and life has been real good ^^
After ‘saving up’ for years, we can finally more or less afford a flat, yeap that will be our very own house! It’s been a quick and fantastic decision I must say.

Last month (on 14^th Sept to be exact), we decided to start viewing houses.
Since Merv is keen on north east side, Hougang seems like the best choice. Sengkang and Punggol are a bit more expensive, guess because they’re newer.

Kevin drove us around and the first house was so good that everything else couldn’t compare. Nevertheless, we spent both Sat & Sun to view 8 houses in total.
Some are pretty terrifying, with one marked with obvious loan shark paints (complete with the mess and smell) and another one with a family playing mahjong and the reason for sale is they can’t afford to continue paying and decided to downgrade. Well, these kinds are totally a no-no for us.

I realized that besides looking at the condition of the house (so that we can save on renovation), it’s also important to know the reason of sale, gotta make sure that the family and the neighbours are fine.

Anyway, after 8 houses, we kinda decided on the first one at Hougang. For a 4room flat, 104 sqm is considered the biggest. The living room is big and since the house is square, it gives a really spacious feeling. For a corner block on level 9, it’s practically fantastic. Though not that near to MRT, but there are shops and coffee shops around. Many buses to Hougang, Kovan and Ang Mo Kio too.

 There’s another one at Punggol that is nice, but the place is kinda small. The price difference is not a lot with the Hougang house, but the size is so much smaller. I guess you’re paying for the ‘newness’.

Now, we made our interest known to the owners on Monday and found out that we had a rival. So Kevin decided that we must be fast and went down to the place the next day to negotiate. Owners seem to like us but they wanted 30k COV. Considering that we still need to pay the additional stamp duty in cash, it’s kinda stretching. We asked for 15k, that’s a no.
I really wanted the house so it’s kinda sad if they insisted on 30k (which we cannot afford). At the end, they decided on 20k!! YAY. WE GOT THE PLACE.

Next are all the boring tedious parts of ensuring the bank loan before we went down again to secure the Option to Purchase. Signed, paid deposit and now we’re just waiting for HDB 1^st appointment.
All of these were done within the span of 2 weeks. What an expensive purchase in such a short time!

Now we are into the complicated parts of renovation and furniture search, which is very difficult for me since I do not know what I want. Gonna hand it to Merv haha.
We are expecting to get the keys in January and hope to move in by March. We’ll see.
One thing for sure, we’re going to be SO broke paying for all the things (so much cash needed especially since we don’t have enough CPF to cover) but I guess it’s worth it, just like what everyone else said. After all, it will be our own house.

Ah. Sweet.

our young jedi – latte

So my husband encouraged me to journal down something non depressing, which sounds like a really good idea.

Last Saturday, we decided to go down to Build A Bear Workshop and build ourselves a bear. Though there are other designs like cute lamb, monkey, rabbit and some other animals, I thought that it would be more appropriate to build a bear. Well, the place is called Build A Bear Workshop isn’t it.

First step: choosing the bear. I thought of white bear but they look kinda dirty. I thought of blue bear to replace my missing Benny the blue hippo 😦 but it’s out of stock. So Merv decided on the cutest light brown bear with a big head.
Next, the shopkeeper brought it to the ‘stuff the bear’ station. While I stepped on the pedal, she’s doing a great job stuffing all the cotton properly and in no time, our bear was all ready and huggable!

The next step is very interesting. Putting the heart in. I chose a pure red heart and before putting it into the bear, the shopkeeper instructed me to rub the heart, keep it warm and make a wish. Apparently these steps are to ensure that the bear will be happy and yes it has a role to fulfill, to be my best listener and keep my secrets. LOL.

Now that the heart is in and the bear is done, I had to bathe it! There’s this shower section where I had to brush the bear. It’s so cute that I felt like crying and laughing at the same time.
Next step: choosing the clothes.
I wanted the bear to be a boy so we skipped all the princess clothes. At the end, Merv chose the Jedi clothes (and why am I not surprised) haha. Actually I think the bear looks cute in any clothes, there’s one outdoor clothes complete with fishing set that we tried, but we still think Jedi is cuter.

He’s all ready! Aaaawwww…..
Decided to ditch on the shoes though, he looks cuter bare footed.

Last step is to register his birth certificate, no joke. Merv suggested the name Latte and it’s brilliant.
When we made the payment, the cashier lady asked me to do a vow to the bear, to always treasure him and make him my best friend… so cuteeeeeee!!!

I have to say that the whole process surprised me, didn’t know that building a bear could be so fun and touching. In a way, it’s like giving birth to a baby.
Now Latte is sleeping comfortably on my bed, or probably playing with the rest of my bears at home hahaa.. whatever it is, I’m glad to have him ^^ our special bear.

refiner’s fire

I think I kinda understand the feeling of those girls who cut themselves (or at least threaten to) in front of their men. You are the terrorist, you are in control.
Temporary solution? Yes, but at least it gives you a sense of win for a moment. I can hurt you when I hurt myself.
And after all, who wouldn’t give in to anyone who threaten death?

For the first time in my life, the thought was actually tempting.

I’m sick and tired, seriously, and I don’t even want to talk about it anymore.

Today on the bus, as I indulged myself in sian-ness and pity party, the song ‘Refiner’s Fire’ suddenly rang in my mind.
Refiner’s fire, my heart one desire, is to be holy, set apart for You Lord. I CHOOSE to be holy, set apart for You my Master, I’m ready to do Your will.

I have no idea why this song. Maybe to remind me again that I’m put under the fire (or at least I feel that way) so that I can be purified as gold.
Life is never easy, but at the end of the day it’s my choice on how to live it.

There are many things that go through my mind, and those are not pleasant. It takes extreme self control not to say or do what I feel like saying and doing. Cos I know at the end of the day, it does harm and not exactly helping myself too.

The most difficult thing in life is not the marriage itself, it is following God.

what we all do behind the backs

I feel the need to sort out my thoughts here, which has been proven to be quite effective.

Today I was chatting to a friend and this is like the fourth or fifth person who came to me and asked if we have left church (or more or less has assumed that we have left). Strange how this ‘news’ spread so fast, regardless whether it’s correct or not.
So many prominent people have left church and no one seems to know until months later. Merv and I stepped down as leaders and out from the lg for barely 2 weeks and everyone seems to be talking behind our backs on our decision to leave, which is not exactly accurate in the first place anyway.

Positively, this means we are cared (or famous, whatever it is) by many people that they would take notice of any disappearance. They care and they are concerned. They want the best for us.
Negatively, this is a juicy gossip material. Another addition to people who have chosen to abandon Hope.

I became to think about myself, actually, we all do that don’t we. We like to talk about other people, negatively. We may care, a little bit, but mostly it’s just because it’s juicy.
So and so left church, so and so got into bad relationship, so and so had a quarrel, so and so did something stupid, and so on.
I  guess this is probably the time that we are actually in the topic, instead of the ones discussing the topic.

I dunno what gave that impression and I dunno what Merv has been telling people. I am not intending to leave Hope, can’t do it. No matter how sucky it is, there’s always redemption point. God is the same everywhere, but I need that homely feeling that I have for the past 12 years in this church.
People may keep asking me where’s Merv and what’s the plan. I can try to explain but I don’t really know if what I’m thinking is accurate, I guess time will tell on where we are heading to.
It may seem that we’re floating now, just let us be. I want to dock myself somewhere too, in a group with Merv. It is not happening yet, so give us time please.

I just wish people will stop being surprised seeing me in church or asking which church i go to now.

grace and mercy.. last lap

Eeps.. one more week to go.

Husband just found out that my blog is active again, now I need to praise him more here since he may be reading hahaa.

Anyway, it’s a strange July. This week I took 2 days mc in total cos I caught the emo bug – fever, sore throat, cough and flu. Or maybe I just couldn’t take the dry air-con in office cos I somehow felt better when I stayed at home compared to being in office.

Finished up ‘Gu Family Book’ and ‘Mandate of Heaven’. Lesson learnt: things may not be like how they seem to be.
There are always two sides of the coins and it’s good to get it checked first before we jump into a conclusion and be judgmental about it.
Well, aren’t we all guilty about it?

Recently I was a bit disappointed with someone cos of certain decision made. But then again, to each its own.
I’m sure I made or will make certain decisions that will disappoint people too. Grace and mercy is what we all need, no?

Here we are, finally

It’s afternoon and I’m sleepy. The best time to update this blog.

Yep it’s July and things are getting more stable and peaceful. First of all, we finally had our island trip and it was great, hallelujah.
From Lombok to Gili Trawangan to Gili Meno to Jakarta. I’m just glad that everything kinda went smoothly, though the flight back to Spore was kinda shaky and scary. Me hate turbulence.

Few things about the trip:

Gili Islands are lovely, though too bad it’s not sandy beach. Coral beach is seriously painful to walk on.. hard to swim too. But at least we managed to do free kayaking and free snorkeling, which was lovely!
I was struggling so hard in my snorkeling to catch sights of the fishes and corals, so at the end Merv kayak all the way to the middle of the ocean with me dangling behind. It was very sweet of him 🙂 that he’s really happy to be able to do something for me. I guess he knew that I really wanted to see beautiful corals and fish. Too bad no turtle sight but oh well, that’s fine.
We spent lots of time doing nothing, reading by the pool, just enjoying the sight. Lovely place for a relaxing holiday that we can get away from stress.

Jakarta trip was fruitful. Went to akong ama’s place, thought there was traffic jam nightmare but I’m still glad that we managed to see them. Met up with Yuni and baby Gavin too! He’s so cute and I’m just happy for her now settled down nicely in her marriage 🙂
Another highlight of the trip is we actually finished Godfather trilogy at Donny’s place hahaaa.. and I finished ‘Silver Lining Playbook’!

Overall, this trip really closed a certain chapter in our lives. When we’re back, I have to say that we’re both refreshed and that’s really good. Whatever happened for the past 2 months seems to happen years ago and in a way best to be forgotten.
But of course doesn’t mean that everything’s alright, we’re faced with a new challenge now with big change that’s going to happen by next month. Excited and fearful. Whatever happens, I just hope that both of us can overcome it together. Sure we can.

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