I think I kinda understand the feeling of those girls who cut themselves (or at least threaten to) in front of their men. You are the terrorist, you are in control.
Temporary solution? Yes, but at least it gives you a sense of win for a moment. I can hurt you when I hurt myself.
And after all, who wouldn’t give in to anyone who threaten death?
For the first time in my life, the thought was actually tempting.
I’m sick and tired, seriously, and I don’t even want to talk about it anymore.
Today on the bus, as I indulged myself in sian-ness and pity party, the song ‘Refiner’s Fire’ suddenly rang in my mind.
Refiner’s fire, my heart one desire, is to be holy, set apart for You Lord. I CHOOSE to be holy, set apart for You my Master, I’m ready to do Your will.
I have no idea why this song. Maybe to remind me again that I’m put under the fire (or at least I feel that way) so that I can be purified as gold.
Life is never easy, but at the end of the day it’s my choice on how to live it.
There are many things that go through my mind, and those are not pleasant. It takes extreme self control not to say or do what I feel like saying and doing. Cos I know at the end of the day, it does harm and not exactly helping myself too.
The most difficult thing in life is not the marriage itself, it is following God.
keep walking 